[Black and white film grain. A smiling teenage boy walks into his bedroom, decorated with Sonic posters. He sits down at a bulky PC. Upbeat music plays softly.]

Narrator (cheerful 1950s voice):
"Well hello there, Junior! Looks like you’re about to log onto the internet superhighway and pop into your favorite corner of the web—/sthg/, the Sonic the Hedgehog General!"

[Cut to a spinning 3D model of Classic Sonic with a bowtie.]

Narrator:
"But wait just a chili dog-pickin’ minute! Before you start slammin’ that post button like Eggman on a panic switch, let’s review a few handy-dandy tips on how to be a swell poster and not a total dingle-dork!"

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PART 1: KNOW WHERE YOU ARE
[Cut to a blackboard titled “/sthg/: A Different Kind of Place” with Sonic pointing at it with a ruler.]

Narrator:
"/sthg/ isn’t your grandma’s Sonic forum. We’re not here to hold hands, swap hugs, or talk about how ‘wholesome’ the Sonic community is. This is 4chan, sport! That means anonymity, autism, and just the right amount of mutual contempt!"

[Cut to a boy posting “You guys are the best! I love you all 🥺”]

Narrator (stern):
"Whoa Nelly! That’s a one-way ticket to getting laughed out of the thread! This isn’t Twitter, it’s the digital equivalent of a bar fight in Green Hill Zone. Keep it ironic, keep it weird, and whatever you do—don’t be too nice."

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PART 2: AVOID THE PITFALLS
[Cut to Sonic jumping over spikes labeled “Wholesomeposting,” “Flooding,” and “Thread Policing.”]

Narrator:
"Let’s go over some of the biggest no-no’s!"

Wholesomeposting:
"That ‘heh… you guys are still here… I love you guys…’ energy? Save it for your diary. We might be here every day like clockwork, but we’re not here to sing kumbaya."

Flooding the Thread:
"Got a favorite character? Great! But if you post the same image of Tails crying with a bottle for the third time in one thread, you’re not a fan—you’re a pest. Mix it up, and post with style!"

Thread Policing:
"Don’t like what others are posting? Think the thread’s gone off-topic? Too bad, buster! Either contribute something better or take a hike. Whining about ‘thread quality’ without posting OC is the fastest way to get told to eat rocks."

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PART 3: BE A BASED POSTER
[Cut to a kid typing and laughing. Sonic gives him a thumbs up.]

Narrator:
"Now let’s talk about what makes a great /sthg/ poster!"

Original Content (OC):
"Got a cursed edit of Sonic with human feet? Post it! Made a fake leak image where Shadow is playable in Sonic Runners 2? Even better! OC is the lifeblood of /sthg/, so don’t be afraid to get weird."

Game Mechanics Discussion:
"Believe it or not, we like talking about the games too! Got opinions on how to fix the boost formula? Want to argue about why Sonic CD is actually good? Do it! Just be ready to defend yourself when someone calls you a retard."

Humor:
"Don’t take yourself too seriously, pal. This is a place where we argue about a blue rat going fast. If you’re not laughing at least a little bit, you’re doing it wrong."

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PART 4: CULTURE CHECK
[Cut to a montage of /sthg/ culture: Surge edits, Amy forcing a smile, Tailsposting, someone screaming about Flynn, and Sonic calling Amy his “bestie.”]

Narrator:
"Know your memes. Know your history. Know the pain of Forces and the autism of Adventure debates. Familiarize yourself with the classics—Surgeposting, the ‘Amy smiling through the pain’ saga, the eternal war over Sonamy and Sonadow, and the sacred tradition of making fun of Reddit."

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PART 5: LAST TIPS FROM SONIC HIMSELF
[Sonic steps forward, arms crossed, serious expression.]

Sonic (1950s-style voice):
"Hey there, kid. Remember: post weird, post often, and never apologize. And if someone calls you a fag, that’s just part of the ride. Don’t be a baby about it."

Narrator:
"Wise words from the Blue Blur himself!"

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[Final scene: Jimmy posts a cryptic, vaguely ironic comment with a cursed Sonic render. The thread replies with 10 (You)s and a debate breaks out about whether Unleashed was peak.]

Narrator:
"Atta boy, Jimmy! You’re posting like a true /sthg/ autist now!"

[The screen fades to black with white text:]
“/sthg/: Come for the Sonic, stay for the schizophrenia.”
“This message brought to you by the Department of Based Posting and Segapilled Affairs.”

[Cue upbeat jingle. End of PSA.]